Wrote one then deleted it...blog
Friday, June 14, 2019
I had a venting session in a blog I wrote the other day, then I deleted it. I often use this medium to explore my own thoughts and help myself, and if I don't think it will be helpful for anyone else, I delete it.
Trying to manage the stress level at work by keeping to myself and not engaging with a coworker who, it seemed, was giving me a hard time for no reason. I know that I am a highly sensitive, i.e. "too sensitive" person, but I'm not up to allowing someone to relive their 7th grade bullying experience by taking it out on me.
So I resigned myself to keeping to myself, and then I get my annual work review. "Outstanding...want to include Sue in training coworkers..." This was a shock, since I've always gotten lukewarm "Performs adequately" reviews and so never expecting anything more than that. It upset me, though a good review, because I have NO interest in training anyone. But it seems I have no choice. It's almost funny, it's so ironic. I hope I get a big raise to compensate for this.
I have been shocked at how someone I basically don't care about at work can stress me out so much, and just want to protect myself from further annoyance. I was just trying to create an upbeat, friendly environment, and it came back at me with a vengeance. Oh, well. I become frightened at how stressed out I can become. It pushes my buttons because I grew up with an untreated mentally ill brother who bullied me emotionally and physically. My parents chose to not see the issue, and left me to fend on my own. This followed by a lifetime of antidepressant medication that I can't do without. At least I have my nice life now. As I've said before, doing well is the best revenge!
Maybe I should delete this blog too. It seems that things happen for a reason. Maybe I will learn from this. Not sure what yet. Hopefully I will be able to hide in my cubicle most of the time still!
So I thought I was handling the stress well until this morning at work, when I had a sweets eating binge like I used to have. Sneaky stress. Just when you think you've got it under control, the cookie candy bar demon jumps on your shoulder and wags his nasty little finger at you!
But I will learn from this and go back to eating raw vegetables and fruit. Today, not tomorrow.