Thursday, June 14, 2018
I don't know why we hold ourselves up to "achievable" goals if only we try harder, were not so weak, if we only really tried etc. But most of us seem to. I resent feeling I can't eat out because of the calories in even healthy choices. I know I have a lot of weight to lose. A lot! I want to be able to connect with the now and enjoy it. It is the only time I have. I know and am working on loving and accepting myself more. Trying to find time to do some of the things I love more often.
. My weight limited what I could physically do. Things I have always enjoyed doing at the beach Walking across the soft sand to get to the water.Walking in the shallows shelling. Feeling confident in my strength to be in the water. Just walking up and down the beach. This is me sitting because it was too tiring to stand and getting up from the sand required an embarrassing amount of help.
This made me angry with myself. I had not realized how much I could not do. It made me sad that I was in this physical shape. It also has given me a fire to be able to enjoy the beach more the next time we go. I have a goal month and a desire to be more fit. It that includes weight coming off great. But I will be stronger and better able to cross that sand, To walk on it, have better balance and stamina. I will be able to do more next fall. The next time. So I am working out with more gusto. Tracking my food more honestly.
I am also finding that some of my chronic pain issues are improving with this renewal of effort.. I feel happier with myself in general. I do relapse when I don't "measure up". I still need to work on that self shaming issue.
So here's to you and me liking us and enjoying our now. We deserve it